The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
