OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
