Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
