This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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