I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
