I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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