the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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