there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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