Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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