She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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