i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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