I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
