i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
