i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
