she was so not down for the gang bang
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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