My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dignity is for republicans.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
