I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
