You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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