I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
