Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
