i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
