we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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