yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
