i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
