I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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