I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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