I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
