Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
