We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
