i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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