You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
