I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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