Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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