when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
