Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
