Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
