white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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