I could have mohawked her pubes.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
