I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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