Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
