next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
