I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
