So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
