I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I party with great urgency now.
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