Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
