if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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