I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
