She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
