Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
