so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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